Recently my beloved gave me a sweet Tiffany’s bone china box for my birthday. It was a big birthday, one that can come with mixed emotions. As I face my mortality and uncertainty of the world I live in, my perspective is easily swayed by the cultural collective ideas I find myself so easily drawn in to about aging and obsolescence.
So back to the box. was feeling particularly vulnerable when I opened this gift. I tried to be gracious but honestly all I could see was the empty box. I couldn’t see the love and care that went into looking for it, selecting it and then delivering it to me.
I felt sad and I let myself feel the discomfort and pain of disappointment. I usually ignore my pain. I have a knack for putting my feelings aside and pushing through even though I know that feeling our feelings is healthy.
Funny thing happened when I let myself feel the pain, it let a little light in and illuminated my heart and mind.
As I reflect on this little gift of David’s, it occurs to me that something in me wanted my partner to fill the box for me. If the box represents my life, the truth is that it’s not David’s job to fill me. And even though I know this, on some level, there is still a part of me that carries around this romanticized Cinderella notion that I must wait for someone else to give me the good I seek. Oh, I could really go to town on this Cinderella metaphor right now, the poor lost soul who’s been abandoned and then has to pretend to be someone else so that she can be loved….
Back to the box… I am reminded that it’s my job to decide what I want to fill my empty box with. No one can do that for me. And as I fill my box with what I find valuable and important I have more to bring to my partnership and to life.
And now I feel authentic gratitude for this sweet little gift from my beloved.
