Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Fear, Meet Love

It scares me when I see your pain. It reminds me of my own pain and we can have none of that. I don’t want to feel my own pain let alone sit with yours… but I will, I will sit with yours,  because in the end it's easier than sitting with my own.   Allowing ourselves to feel our pain creates a sense of powerlessness and being powerless is scary too.
I think this is the point. Once I can accept my powerless over my or your situation I can begin to acknowledge true power. Yes, yes that’s it. And truth be told that scares me too.
I’ve struggled with my faith. I lost faith in religion along time ago - I threw the baby jesus out with the bathwater, yet I craved a relationship with the Divine. So for the last 15 years I’ve been following a spiritual path that did not appear to be dogmatic, did not seem to use shame or guilt to win my love… it brought me closer to feeling powerful again and here I sit, an ordained minister… one of them. Dispensing ‘God will provide’ idioms like a bandaid on a gaping wound. Wait.wait. How did that happen?
Of course that's fear talking too.  It wants me to think I'm powerless and lost, it wants me to be fooled into thinking I need to 'make it all better'. Perhaps instead of flexing my ‘I’ll help you fix this’ muscle, I need to build a ‘let’s sit with this even though nothing will ever be the same’ muscle.  That's where love comes in.  It sits with what is and loves it anyway and that's where we tap into true power.
“I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you”… comes to mind.…/
Of course if I'm not careful, this can be another 'fix' too....