Monday, June 27, 2016

Shields Down

I sit with my heart opened I notice how much I want to shield it from heart ache and sadness.  It seems I have been doing this for so long.  "I am grateful" is our topic in this lovely writing workshop.  We have been writing about our "struggles" and I've been revisiting my turbulent childhood.

I am grateful...  I have come through so many things and still feel whole.  Perhaps that is because I have not allowed them to swallow me up, perhaps it is because I have had a safe haven that protected me until I could ready myself to feel the measure of their significance.  Yes I believe that is it.  

I am grateful for all the support, resources and resilience I have been given, have revealed, and been shown.  

I am grateful to the man who held me and loved me until he couldn't hold me any longer without holding me back.

I am grateful that when I have been thrown into the fire of life that I have been protected.  Some part of me still feels whole and innocent and sweet, despite the ambiguous losses, the betrayals, and the challenges I've experienced.  

Yes I have seen and experienced things that no person, let alone a child, should; but it’s not so bad really - each time I have experienced the fire it has burned off some part of the shield I had brought with me into this lifetime to guard my heart.  

I am grateful for my tender resilient heart.  For this and so much more,  I am grateful.